I am exhausted. I have been daydreaming of going AWOL. Today was not one of my better days. I don't think I did anything productive on site today- we had very little direction and my entire team spent a lot of time trying to find something to do and being greeted with annoyance from our supervisors. But there are just days like this. They are in sharp contrast to our last two days which were exceptional. Today one of my CMs got really nausiated as soon as we got on site so before I got started on the house I drove her home to camp- a half hour each way. I was disapointed to loose my place with the job I was doing, but I am glad she got to rest all day. I am scared she may have the flu which seems to be going around the volunteer dormers. I am also feeling extremely weak and fatigued and am scared that I may be coming down with the flu as well. I am going to try to go to sleep very early and drink tons of fluids tonight. hopefully I can kick it before it gets me. I really just don't have time to be sick right now.
On a much more positive note my team has had a great week. Wednesday and Thursday (or as we like to refer to them "fake tuesday and fake wednesday") were incredibly productive on site. The cement blocks we started with last Tuesday have become a house and will soon be a family's home. This week we completed all the siding and passed our first inspection. We then put up trusses. I had an integral role in putting up the roof by helping to manage the pulling of the trusses. I probably pushed myself a bit too far physically while walking the walls (standing on top of wall frames) and pulling heavy giant wooden triangles- but it was well worth it. We got our whole roof up and sheeted this week. We also wrapped the house and began to bulid the front deck. My team was working like a well-oiled machine this week and that makes me incredibly proud. Even in the intense heat and sun people have been pushing themselves and one another.
I did one on ones with everyone from my team this week and pretty much forfeited any freetime I may have had. I am glad that I got to sit down and talk to everyone though. Things seem to be going very well for all of my CMs. I often feel like they have it more together than me, but I try not to let on. On Tuesday we watched a documentary called "Katrina: The Mississippi Gulf Coast Story." It was heavy. and long. But I think it was good for us to all see- a big reminder of why we are here. On Thursday we had a team poetry reading that was very interesting. Some people read famous poets, some read friends and family members' works and others read their own. I read a couple Saul Williams poems. I got to watch the season premier of The Office and Parks and Rec last night too- which reminded me of home and many of you!
I am incredibly homesick again this week. I have found that it is getting harder and harder to call people because I just miss you all more and more when I do. I sometimes lock myself up in my van to find some personal space because I can't handle my draining living situation. Then I think this could be the best situation I have all year and I start to spiral... But I know why I came and there are a million things I love about being here. I'm definitely not bored with my life, or feeling useless. Quite the opposite. There is a constant battle in my head between sanity and insanity, peace and chaos, confidence and insecurity. I constantly second guess my ability to do this job for an entire year, but when taken day by day it's just a job and just a sequence of todos that will surely turn into the best memories and lessons of my life. But sitting here listening to Fox News at top volume and someone's text message alert going off every 30 seconds while the table tennis paddles ping and pong the ball back and forth over and over I can't help but wish I were elsewhere- tucked into bed with my puppies back home on a Saturday morning or eating fresh veggies from mom and dad's garden- I sometimes even wish I was at the pool working! My old life seems like a different existence in a universe and time far far away. I sometimes even wonder who I am- how much of me is there and how much is here- and who will I be 8 months from now when I am set free back into the world to make new choices on where I want to be and what I want to do. But here tonight it's Fox News, paperwork and Walmart grocery trips. And how will I get enough sleep to wake up ready for tomorrow?
Hopefully the weather will be nice this weekend because we have a day trip planned for Ship Island- one of the "ten best beached in the U.S." although I am not sure who says so... Regardless it will be a day on the ocean side of the sound with Sally and Jordan and possibly even Patrick- so regardless it will be nice. I hope I can stay healthy for it.
Looking forward to a better day. Miss and love you all!
Peace!
On a much more positive note my team has had a great week. Wednesday and Thursday (or as we like to refer to them "fake tuesday and fake wednesday") were incredibly productive on site. The cement blocks we started with last Tuesday have become a house and will soon be a family's home. This week we completed all the siding and passed our first inspection. We then put up trusses. I had an integral role in putting up the roof by helping to manage the pulling of the trusses. I probably pushed myself a bit too far physically while walking the walls (standing on top of wall frames) and pulling heavy giant wooden triangles- but it was well worth it. We got our whole roof up and sheeted this week. We also wrapped the house and began to bulid the front deck. My team was working like a well-oiled machine this week and that makes me incredibly proud. Even in the intense heat and sun people have been pushing themselves and one another.
I did one on ones with everyone from my team this week and pretty much forfeited any freetime I may have had. I am glad that I got to sit down and talk to everyone though. Things seem to be going very well for all of my CMs. I often feel like they have it more together than me, but I try not to let on. On Tuesday we watched a documentary called "Katrina: The Mississippi Gulf Coast Story." It was heavy. and long. But I think it was good for us to all see- a big reminder of why we are here. On Thursday we had a team poetry reading that was very interesting. Some people read famous poets, some read friends and family members' works and others read their own. I read a couple Saul Williams poems. I got to watch the season premier of The Office and Parks and Rec last night too- which reminded me of home and many of you!
I am incredibly homesick again this week. I have found that it is getting harder and harder to call people because I just miss you all more and more when I do. I sometimes lock myself up in my van to find some personal space because I can't handle my draining living situation. Then I think this could be the best situation I have all year and I start to spiral... But I know why I came and there are a million things I love about being here. I'm definitely not bored with my life, or feeling useless. Quite the opposite. There is a constant battle in my head between sanity and insanity, peace and chaos, confidence and insecurity. I constantly second guess my ability to do this job for an entire year, but when taken day by day it's just a job and just a sequence of todos that will surely turn into the best memories and lessons of my life. But sitting here listening to Fox News at top volume and someone's text message alert going off every 30 seconds while the table tennis paddles ping and pong the ball back and forth over and over I can't help but wish I were elsewhere- tucked into bed with my puppies back home on a Saturday morning or eating fresh veggies from mom and dad's garden- I sometimes even wish I was at the pool working! My old life seems like a different existence in a universe and time far far away. I sometimes even wonder who I am- how much of me is there and how much is here- and who will I be 8 months from now when I am set free back into the world to make new choices on where I want to be and what I want to do. But here tonight it's Fox News, paperwork and Walmart grocery trips. And how will I get enough sleep to wake up ready for tomorrow?
Hopefully the weather will be nice this weekend because we have a day trip planned for Ship Island- one of the "ten best beached in the U.S." although I am not sure who says so... Regardless it will be a day on the ocean side of the sound with Sally and Jordan and possibly even Patrick- so regardless it will be nice. I hope I can stay healthy for it.
Looking forward to a better day. Miss and love you all!
Peace!
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